to someone...

I dunno why I had this bad feeling after coming back from Shah Alam..
even though I did enjoy myself at the sk8 clinic
last minute register
got myself a certificate and a cute small towel..

Then later that afternoon.
I was chilling with my other sk8 friends where suddenly...
out of nowhere...
I saw someone damm familiar..
yet I couldn't recalled the person because the way of dressing was way too different...
thank god I could recognize the 'SPECIAL T-shirt' and also that hair colour of yours..
IT WAS YOU...
suddenly just pop by and say hello for awhile..
I was shocked and speechless where I never expected you to be here..
I was happy and excited...
but I tried to suppress it..
Didn't want people to notice it especially you...
though I could never hear nor feel how you feel..
But I feel content..
that you came over...
although I don't really know your last minute business as well..

I know that we have some difficulties to express certain things
as every movement we are doing...
People were watching...
Both of us knew that we couldn't do a lot of things like any normal people will do..
yet,
seeing you was just all I need to know that
you were okay...
you were alright..
seeing you yesterday was like lifting a big burden to me..
all my worries that I have for you when I was in other place just forgotten..
Looking you straight into the eyes makes my body weak...
as usual..
you never really know..
because you were just a best friend..
and both of us know about it..
It's hard to be together..
yet hard to be apart from each other...

I thought of meeting up with you..
but you had your "WORK" which I know it more than anyone else...
So my other friends came over instead to keep up what's going on in my life..
I didn't know why you reacted that way,
but you didn't seem happy and also say a few things that you will never say to me...
I was again left shocked and speechless with your weird attitude..
but I tried not to think so much..
and left it in my heart and sink it in the deepest core of my heart..
because...
you weren't mine...
I belong to me...
but it really hurts those heartbreaking words you said to me..

This morning..
I didn't know why I let myself sleep into a sleepless dream..
couldn't remember nor recalled...
I didn't know why I panicked and called you like your usual morning time..
at 1st, I couldn't get through you...
but later you message me apologizing to me that you didn't reply my message etc...
I called you straight away!
just to get the bad news about something I never though you will leave on this morning itself...
Which was so f**ing last minute...
and again another burden was added...
You make me start worrying you all over again..

I dunno what you were thinking but seriously...
you really break my heart..
I remember saying 'okay..chat later..bye..'
I tried to sink into my mind what you have just told me..
and tears start to roll down that quickly..
it's been awhile I've cried for someone like you that easily...
and almost an hour le! sial!

I remember through sms and the whole conversation..
'lebih kepada maki daripada cakap...'
I was so shitly piss off!
I couldn't believe that you of all people have to do this to me...
At 1st, I seriously didn't want to hear all those crap reasons you gave me
for not telling me earlier etc..
While me was giving me a piece of my mind of those weird actions you gave me etc..
But soon after I've calm my nerves down...
It was time to say goodbye..
you sms me saying things I never thought it will be true..
In the end..
you went to the airport and left..
The only thing I could do is..
pray for you..
wait for you..
and keep special words in my heart..
left unspoken...