my troublesome confession

I never been this harsh before...
on someone who have been together with me for the last 3years...
I remember before leaving U..
all those promises I've made with u..
yet, I just throw it out..out from the window..
Now, I feel like I've become a devil instead..
no matter how hard U try to beg me..
woo me..
or even threaten me..
I don't react as much like I used too..
I felt like my feelings towards this kind of thing have make me gone numb...

It wasn't because a 3rd party came in my life that make me like this..
May be I decided to change everything drastically..
Just the sake of myself..
U never really know how many things I've done behind Ur back..
If only U knew..
I guess, u will just hate me for the rest of Ur life..
Because I remember 1 word u say that
'u will get everything what U've done to me..'
Of course..even Raja yoga says that karma will be like that..
I realize..yet..
I allow my devilish side of me to take over...
make me cold to you...
make me distance away myself from U..

say what U like..
all those cruel moments I had gave U~
there is just 1sole reason behind it..
I just want U to forget about us!
there is nothing I could do to turn back the clock anymore...
I don't really want to be the old me anymore..
I want to change!
I need to change!
For all the other reason..
U will never understand...

I only promise u that
if I really found a new guy in my life...
I would really2...
appreciated him...
love him..
will never do things behind his back..
won't keep everything in my heart..
be more honest with him..
I won't care what he do..
I just want a simple relationship..
etc...

that's the only promise for now..